P.T.C.D.

Yep,
I have it. My friend and fellow cast Mommy told me of this condition. P.T.C.D. Post Traumatic Cast Disorder. I'm stealing it forever.

I have been trying to be so courageous and strong these last several weeks. If you put on a brave face, others see it and believe it and then sometimes you start to believe it, too. Others worry and share their love and concern, which we are so grateful for, the week up to the cast and the week after the cast.

But it's like a death. Sooner or later, lives go back to normal and people move on....except we don't. We still mourn, wallow, dive into our depression and brave the storms of living with scoliosis and cast life.
This week it sucks.

Up until this week, we have been fortunate to not have to deal with too many cast issues of blisters, pain, discomfort, etc. or soiling. We are lucky in this because I have been told it is NOT fun. I feel like I have not fully tackled the trials of cast life because we had been so lucky. Well truth be told, luck runs out.

Monday morning started as lots of sucky Mondays do: dreary, rainy and wet. Well, ours was that. Wet. Jackson woke up and smelled like a porta-potty. His cast was soiled with urine and it pained me to hold my son close. How awful is that? When you can't even bear the odor of your own child, do you know what that does to you?

I spent the day sulking. I hit the wall. I went to my wallow place and threw myself a pity party. Except I was the only invitee. Well, actually my children indirectly reaped the benefits of the party with my sour mood and less than perfect motherly manner.

I suppose it just hit me that day. My son IS different. I had never allowed myself to think that way because I kept telling myself that he is isn't. I forced myself to believe that scoliosis wouldn't set him apart from any other child. But it does. And on Monday....everything about PIS got to me. The pee, the 45 minute process of having to remove all of the tape, the cotton, scrub the t-shirt, re-tape, only to have him soaked again on Tuesday morning. How this summer will be so stressful and hard because I'll have to keep him from swimming with his twin brother and big sister, how the closer he gets to a new cast, the less he sleeps because he grows out of it by week 10. There is a big list, but I'm not going further with it.

So, I resolve....I have PTCD. There you have it.

A new day!

I woke this morning very early with names running through my head.  I am going to list them now so you can say each one yourself.  Adelyn, Drueman, William, Jackson, Makenna, Max, Cadence,Giana, Sage, Grace, Dylan, Kiera.  The list can go on and on.  This is the reason I created the blog.  It records our life, but it also shares theirs.  It is a reminder that there is strength in numbers.  Strength in friendship.  It is a reminder we are not alone.  It is a reminder that this to shall pass as some of our little ones above are moving past the casting process and into braces.  It is a reminder that whatever the road throws at us, we will not be alone on the road.
     We casted off last night.  His spine had taken a bit of a crazy turn I am guessing because of a few pieces of bark from the playground that been applying pressure on his spine.  It was a shock and I panicked.  I posted on facebook with his pictures and then came the rescue squad.  The parents of my friends above were there to reassure, hold my hand, show me the silver lining.  In every change in treatment, there is going to be the silver lining.  We may not see it right away but that is why we have our friends and loved ones to show us.
       Ok so now to Splish Splash.  Bath time was a family affair last night.  William and his big brother played with new bath toys as mommy scrub a dub dubbed the dirty boy.  There were the things I could identify (dirt, crumbs, bark, a raisin, etc...) and those I couldn't or should I say wouldn't attempt to label.  When he started to prune Daddy stepped in with our Elmo hooded towel and carried the little bundle to get ready for night night.  It takes the lotion and rubs it on the skin or it gets the hose again.  Daddy did the lotion & about halfway through I realized he didn't have a diaper on.  That was a close one!  Careful daddy that thing is loaded.  Once our little giggle box was in PJ's it was technically 2 hours past the 8 o'clock bed time, but the smiles said it was OK.    We played until exhaustion had hit me and then we all climbed into the same room for sleep. 
        For those who really know me, I am screaming inside.  It is the names above and the precious boys I share my home with that guide me through the mania.  I am firmly planted in the here and now.  I am not going to waste precious energy with the what might happen game.  I can only control the moment I am living and if I waste it worrying then I wasted something special.  Hugs to all our family and friends!