Why?

The "Why" game is a game we all play on this road.  Why does my child have this condition, how did it get missed for so long, why didn't the pediatrician see it sooner.  I did this as well as bargaining, looking for different options, and questioning everything.  At some point peace set in though.  Peace that I can't change the past and can only confront what is in front of me.  Peace that although my pediatrician might have missed the signs earlier, he won't miss it again.  Peace that my surgeon has my childs best interest at heart in his treatment decisions.  Peace that we know what it is now and will not have to face that worry again.  I don't think William was hand picked for this condition by God.  I think it is too cruel to think God causes these things to happen.  I think it just happens sometimes.  So the question comes how do you stay in this peaceful mindset when the panic starts to creep up at each cast change. 
           Ok so the last question brings me to our current position in casting.  We are 2 weeks out from cast #3.  I secretly always hoped we would be the lucky percentage that resolved in a few casts although the numbers were always stacked against us.  Chad and I have noticed William starting to stand and walk tilted as he did prior to his first cast.   I am not sure what this means, but Chad looked at me this morning and said are you prepared if the numbers are not good this time.  I said Yes of course, but something hit the pit of my stomach.  I am not sure you are ever prepared for that set back.  We are however prepared to stay the course.  We will cast as long as casting is an option.  The window for postive results is so small, we want to take advantage of every minute of it!  Cast life is not ideal and we are finding the summer is going to be a challenge to say the least.  Cotton, plaster, and fiberglass are not exactly cooling, but the alternatives for kids not ready for bracing is surgery and I am not willing to put William on that path without exhausting our cast options. 
           We are charged with protecting our children.  We were given them to keep safe and show them love.  Scoliosis hasn't taken that from me.  We still have hugs, laughs, and smiles.  We still have tantrums and tears and all the things that come with being 16 months old.  I am in control of his future....or at least that is what I keep telling myself.