It has been several weeks since I felt the need to post. I am not sure what led me to today's post or even where this post will go. We are two weeks out from taking our red cast off and three weeks from our next trip to Chicago. I have had days where the time can't get here soon enough and then more days where we are just fine where we are. I can't say I am ready to start this process again for the 8th time. It just doesn't really seem real. I always thought that we would have a year or so in cast and then it would be all over and we would start on a brace. Each cast, I kept thinking this is the one. The weird thing is, I just don't feel that way anymore. I don't think I have given up hope rather just learning to accept reality. This is our life for now and our normal. William doesn't know any different. He is older and more resigned to this way of life. The cast off at this point almost is more confusing than liberating. It is his acceptance that has helped me to find my own.
I have found in the last year and half that my priorities have changed. In fact our families priorities have changed. We have learned to rely less on the material aspects of our happiness and more on the moments that are happy. This was a good thing for all of us when I lost my job. I always felt that having a job defined who I was. I was a career women, a wife and a mother. With the loss of the career and a very competitive job market, it was time to downsize our lives and prepare for a long term career move to mother and wife. We are still holding tight to our summer vacation, that will be our luxury. We have cut out meals out, I avoid target like the plague and have found happiness in home rather than shopping. I have made cards for my husbands birthday and anniversary, surprised them with cupcakes and cookies made at home and tried to spice up dinner with creative cooking on a budget. In the end I have been able to see a world of wonder in the 3 people I shared a home with for so long.
Self evaluation has been the key to the past few weeks of quiet reflection. Anything worth having requires dedication. My family, this club and raising awareness for Shriners Hospital & Cincinnati Childrens is worth the effort. My friends traversing this winding road with us is worth dedication. So although I am indifferent about our new cast, I am excited to see our friends when we get there. Life is moving forward and it's time I stop living in the past. I can't take away what we have been through and I need to truly accept what we have gained through the journey. This doesn't define William, it enhances him, so it's time to stop allowing it to define my self worth and let it enhance what I do with my future. We will soon be posting pictures with our friends of these little sweethearts who have emerged from 10-12 weeks in their protective shells. I will try to stay in the moment and allow myself to rejoice the triumph of another cast down! They are all defining moments and worth celebrating. Bring on the Celebration for the casts new and old. They are all bringing us one step further in our journey with no clear end.
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